Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
