What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
