Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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