turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
