very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
zippers are such a cool invention
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
