i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
