Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
