I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
