Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
