I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
