i just wanna soil my oats bro
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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