Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
