Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
