I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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