For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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