At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
