I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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