Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
