if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
a search helicopter?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
