Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
