He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone came in the potted fern
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
