AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
