that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
