i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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