the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
