My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
