You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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