just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
