ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
