I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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