If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
