I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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