Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
