flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they're like a gay fantastic four
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
