just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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