i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
