this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
