she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
