his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
