i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
