Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
