I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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