In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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