i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
