Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
