I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Mom said you looked used
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
