Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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