i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
