She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
