she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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