its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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