just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
