All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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