I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
