I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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