I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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