you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
